~Ethereal-Melancholia@aphelion~

"In your dreams, laddie!"

2006-08-08T03:09:00.000+08:00

Dear Mr Gemmell, we have never met but your passing has filled me with an aching sadness which I lack your ability to contain within words.

It's been 10 years since I first picked up Waylander as a 14 year old student. 10 years filled with timeless characters, engaging storylines and lush worlds. Stories infused with philosophical questions and THE iron code of principles to live one's life by.

I wept when Druss made his last stand, I choked back painful sobs when Dakeyras found redemption, and I mourn the passing of my literary hero.

To Mrs Gemmell and family, I too lost my Dad to heart failure in his 50's. I empathise with your sorrow, my heartfelt condolences to you all.

My definition of David Gemmell; Sui Generis.

The crossbowman, an axeman and the wielder of the Swords of Night and Day await you at the gates of Dros Delnoch.

"He is only gone from this world. [He] will never truly die. Men like him are eternal." ('A Hero In The Shadows')

and i can't stop crying...

2006-06-16T16:32:00.000+08:00

sitting alone in my office, with Gravity by Embrace playing and crying because it makes me sad.

and I miss my Dad.

and I'm tired of my life.

and because I'm emo.

__ __

Differing Forms of Boredom

2006-06-15T17:07:00.000+08:00

Literally, spent 3 quarts of the day filling up forms and getting documents ready as part of filling up the forms.

FORMSFORMSFORMS!!!

Bah~

Having KBP later with my poochiekins...the KBP at Westlake is flab-quiveringly good.

Damn.

Hunger pangs.

To quote Grant Grant from Slither: "Meat!!"

Postcards to garion~

2006-06-13T22:23:00.000+08:00

Et tu, garion~

Went for an interview at ZoCard today, which if you recall, we first discovered way back during our Fat Frog days. Happy memories eh? Well, till the day Dad blazed a trail towards the heavens...

Didn't get the job, so it's back to 3017 for me. Made up my mind to quit at the end of the month, feel like I'm imposing on them. I'm so bored working there and I'm learning nothing. Heck, I'm tired of waiting for the house anyway. I know Mum wants it but I don't want to have it hanging over my head, Gods! I'm 24, not 34. I've spent my life having to bear the debts of others, having to bear responsiblity even when I should have been allowed to simply have fun like any normal teen. Having to take up the slack while Big Brother has fun isn't my cup of tea. Why can't I afford to be childish and self-indulgent once every millenium?

That whine felt good.

So about Fat Frog, I'm sure you too shed a tear when it was finally closed down.
Frankie, Kai, Nicks my man, Jack the man who introduced me to CounterStrike, Kasey, Cynthia, KC our boss, and the guys. That place was our 2nd home wasn't it? Splurging our hard-earned wages on books at the MPH beside it, which is no longer there if I'm not mistaken. Being flirted with by both female AND male customers. Well, our outer shell was still slim and somewhat attractive then, i suppose. Now I'm lonely within a fat, disgusting thing. Life just hasn't been the same since you up and left. But I digress.

Remember the very first day at work? My God, it seemed like the walls were bleeding people. Stressed out weren't we? Or rather I was, you just took control, straightened up and put on a smile and started serving them.

And we just grew in confidence eh? Working 14hr shifts, charming the customers, getting fat tips, ha! even Cynthia began to value us. We felt right at home.

And that has been one of the key impediments to me getting a relevant job. I want that feeling of camaderie, that 'right at home' feel. The search goes on I guess.

Just as I continue my search for you.

'I try and I cry, but all you do is die.'

happiness isn't a state of mind, it's a pinnacle of achievement...

2006-04-08T18:23:00.000+08:00

'I know we're just like old friends we just can't pretend that lovers make amends we are reasons so unreal we can't help but feel that something has been lost

but please you know you're just like me next time I promise we'll be perfect perfect perfect strangers down the line lovers out of time memories unwind

so far I still know who you are but now I wonder who I was...

angel, you know it's not the end we'll always be good friends the letters have been sent on

so please, you always were so free you'll see, I promise we'll be perfect perfect strangers when we meet strangers on the streetlovers while we sleep

perfect you know this has to be we always we're so free we promised that we'd be perfect ' - Smashing Pumpkins, Perfect

Makes me tear up each time i hear it...

why can't i ever be happy?

The girl that never was...

2006-04-04T21:04:00.000+08:00

"I once knew a gal named Daylene,
She was the creme de la creme.
Of all things fair,
She shone with Halogen's glare.

Tickling the heart a-flutter,
Causing my tongue to splutter."

Hmm, work in progress...btw, it's been ages since i last blogged. How time flies...got a job now, grew fatter, moved into a new place...finally grew a white strand of hair...okok, half a strand. sigh~

Stoppie~

2005-08-25T17:13:00.000+08:00

You can battle with strength,
You can battle with wits,
But no weapon is better,
than a great pair of tits. (or lack thereof)

Lol...

...and so it is...

2005-08-12T22:38:00.000+08:00

One hasn't really been blogging recently...ok, hasn't been blogging AT ALL.

Reason simply being the fact that I've been cooped up at home. Which equates to nothing happening in my daily tedium.

But, now i'm helping out at an aunt's cafe. Shitty job, but it's part-time (although it seems to be taking up most of my time.) Still, it's giving me something to do; earning some cash would also be handy...ICE JELLY!!!

Read the Half-blood Prince, thought it wasn't anything special. More excited over Lost in a Good Book....by Jasper Fforde. It's the sequel to The Eyre Affair. Who's Next? (Lol, inside joke.)

Ohoh!! Did one mention that Lana Lang looked absolutely ravishing today...sigh...lucky Clark. although one has a sneaking suspicion that she dies once the show finally wraps up..so sad...but kinda apt.

Next up, two recent deaths in my life....

A dash of culture...

2005-04-29T18:17:00.000+08:00

The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists:

A university graduate and an old aboriginal were given a word, then allowed 2 minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word.

The word they were given was "TIMBUKTU" First to recite his poem was the university graduate.

He stepped to the microphone and said :
"Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels, two by two
Destination - Timbaktu"

The crowd went crazy! No way could the old aboriginal top that, they thought.

But the old aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
"Me and Tim a-hunting went
Met three whores in a pop-up tent
They was three, and we was two
So I bucked one and Timbuktu. "

The old aboriginal won.

...caught up in sorrow, lost in the song...

2005-04-28T19:19:00.000+08:00

why hello...i just took stock of my life and the result is: IT SUCKS!!! Let's see, 1) my discman's dead, and now i have to face the world without my music...2) my handphone's dead, gotta lug around a shitty nokia...3) got a fungal infection and it itches like a thousand-flea orgy....4) put on weight while bumming around the past month...5) have a measly $30 bucks to my name...6) and my com just shorted itself out...

i'm at the bottom of the well right now, and the view ain't nothing to crow about...

figured out i've been procrastinating about finishing my resume...damnit ken! you only need to finish the last paragraph!

my slacker of a bestfriend...who till 2 weeks ago, was bumming around for a year, finally go a job. man....the pressure's on me now...not to mention my mum's home everyday now...and well...i can feel the disappointment in the air...

...got....t...o.....ta.ke....a....chanc.e......

Goal no1- Lose 15kg at the end of May.
Goal no.2 - Gain lawful employment before the end of May.
Goal no.3 - Fix my dastardly com.
Goal no. 4 - Get the Ipod Shuffle.
Goal no. 5 - Learn Macomedia Flash.

Return of TONWSHKH...(the one nobody wanted so he killed himself)

2005-04-18T20:11:00.000+08:00

i'm back...finally...will begin blogging in earnest again.

Cacophony of Silence

2005-03-08T11:29:00.000+08:00

So it's my birthday. So what? I've never been excited over it, can't seem to fathom why either. Maybe birthdays are a way of gauging how much progress one has made...which is almost as existent as WMDs in Iraq (eye-rack eh Bush?).

I don't dread my birthdays, merely am indifferent to it. Abesnt for me is the anticipation of blowing out the candles. Or the expectation of people around me to throw me a surprise. Hell, I'm chuffed as it is if my close friends can remember it.

When did it start...this birthday malaise? I have no idea, maybe I'm just a party-pooper...of my own special day.

I'm not implying that the efforts of my girlfriend and Mum aren't appreciated. They are, tremendously. It's just...I don't know, maybe it's just me being me....perpetual sadness. Of course it doesn't help that my Dad hasn't been around for the past 4 years.. Resultantly, after his demise, another part of me shriveled up inside. Jaded have I become...

There will be detractors who claim happiness is around any corner, in anything we do. We just have to look for it. They will say that if you're unhappy, it's your own doing; that you're the one simply refusing to look on the brighter side of things. Well, actually I am trying, you jdon't know how badly I've strived towards that goal. But it's akin to being a blind man in the Lourve museum. It's like trying to claw your way out of quicksand, but it's a sinking battle.

"Tis' solace I seek eternal, whence happiness abandons me further..."

On a lighter note (sweet irony), I had kong bah pau today!! Heh, thanks dear~ omgwtfbbq, it was damn heavenly... -drools-

Death by Bak Kut Teh

2005-03-03T22:15:00.000+08:00

....so there i was...sitting in a cab right? And the cab happens to be one of those with reading materials provided. They were in this nice carrier thingie with 9 individual slots( like the kind sold at Ikea). So i was just scanning across...1st book had a statue of Buddha on the cover, 2nd book was about Avoiding Anger, Spreading the love...so i was thinking to myself...this cabbie's quite a happy hippy right? Then I shifted my right leg and guess what? 3rd book's title was Preparing for Death.... .... .... Like the last thing I needed to see was that. And the cabbie was just telling me about how he got into an accident a few weeks ago. And it was raining, the roads were slippery and view was severely diminished. Final Destination anyone?

Cabbie: "Let's go through the checklist of things to bring along for a relaxing taxi ride. Handphone?"

Me: "Check!"

Cabbie: "Wallet? Cash payment to help me eke out a living ( so that I wouldn't have to wait till after midnight to pick up passengers who've been flagging for a cab a half hour ago)?"

Me: "Check!"

Cabbie: "Ominous portent? Insurance coverage ensured?"

Me: "Check on the first one, zilch on the second!"

...i decided to take a glance through the hippy flower-power Spreading the Love, and came across two quotes that i found to be pretty groovy:

1) The first quote gave a pretty apt description of anger - "(A state that) starts with madness, and ends with regret." - Abraham Hasadai. He may be no Ab Lincoln but he got that one spot on.

2) The second quote's longer, more like a stanza - "Put away anger, abandon pride, overcome every attachment, cling not to Mind and Body and thus be free from sorrow." - Dhammapada 221.
Now if anyone knows what the Dhammapada is, kindly enlighten me; but I'm guessing it's their holy book of verses? Kinda akin to the Bible or the Koran? Sounds like Yoda-speak, which is cool because I always pictured Yoda as Buddhist monk-like.

But anyway the whole focus on this post is that I burnt the roof of my mouth consuming the Bak Kut Teh my mum made. Ah well, good soup is always worth a little discomfort. AND DAMN YOU CAFE CARTEL!!! CHEATED ME OF MY BREAD PUDDING!!! WHO THE FUCK ACCEPTS PAYMENT FOR AN ITEM THEY DO NOT HAVE?? TRYING TO PULL A FAST ONE ON A KOPITIAM-KID??? -nostrils flaring-

3173 = ELIE

2005-03-03T16:47:00.000+08:00

"Her smile faded. 'I don't know what that means. I know that I am beautiful, and that men want to possess that beauty. Why must they call it love?'

'Why does it anger you?' he countered.

'Because it is dishonest. Does the bull love the cows in the herd? No, he just desires to push his swollen penis into somewhere warm and inviting. and when he is done he walks away and chews grass. Is that love?'

'Perhaps it is. I do not know. I have never chewed grass.'

Her laughter rippled out."

Love is relative is it not? =)

Stoppie~

2005-03-03T13:19:00.000+08:00

"I'm so cool, I could freeze nitrogen.
I'm so hip, I can't see past my pelvis.
I'm so hot, I melt polar caps.
I'm so attractive that I make black holes jealous."

LOL...stumbled upon some guy's ramblings in a forum. Kinda cute and original no?

2005-03-01T00:16:00.000+08:00

The End is the Beginning is the End.

Deja vu~ I seem to have been here before...it all seems so vaguely familiar and yet...I simply lack any recollection.

Do I know you? Do YOU know me?

What is your name?
yes/no

Do you believe in God?
yes/no

Am I real?
yes/no